Friday, October 26, 2012

On Grasping.  When we are feeling uncentered, often it is easy to become needy and to fall into what I have come to understand as "grasping."  Attachment.... looking for more.... greed.  These are all connected to grasping.  I may or may not need to wear make-up, yet sometimes I fail to understand life when I wear make-up because life is more about enjoying what already exists than trying to get more than what one has.  

Saturday, April 2, 2011

Returning to Grasping

     Sometimes Grasping is Entirely Necessary

          I am no longer in the state of mind that I was in when I last wrote... I feel much more in control of my life.  How?  Through constant re-focusing and decisiveness.  What do I want now?  I ask myself this question almost all the time.  I keep an active mind and body, for a "rolling stone gathers no moss," and when I stay active, I may be distracted from what may seem to others as inapproriate behavior.  What behavoir would seem inapproriate, you ask?  Well, detachment from reality... read by some as disrespect... understood by myself as engaging in life's passions, knowledge, and fun! (thank you, RB!)

          An Indian teacher named Ramakrishna Paramahansa writes about such detchment.  For him, it comes in the form of what some western doctors may call "catatonia."  He has searched for answers from the universe, and feels at one with his spiritual guide, who he calls "Blissful Mother," and who stirkes me as being omniscient.  The following quote really pulls me towards clarity, and speaks of what I call "re-focusing:"

         "The natural tendency of this (my) mind is upwards (towards the nirvikalpa state). Once that is reached, it does not like to come down. For your (disciples') sake I drag it down perforce. Downward pull is not strong enough without a lower desire. So I create some trifling desires, for instance, for smoking, for drinking water, for tasting a particular dish, or for seeing a particular person, and repeatedly suggest them to my mind. Then alone the mind slowly comes to the body. Again, while coming down, it may run back upward. Again it has to be dragged down through such desires." 
(I found this quote on a page forwarded to me by my saintly godbrother, Smith Donoghue of Chicago: http://www.lifepositive.com/spirit/god/mystics.asp)
       Why must one who has connected to such a strong life force work to remain alive?  I know from my experience that physical objects, such as make-up items, vases, sheets, and lamps help me to anchor myself in reality.  I am here now, I am of this world, I am grateful for..... make a list!  It can be as simple as "(I am grateful for) sunflower seeds, salt, windows, shelter, company..." and it can be as immense as "the mystery that unfolds as I live each day with my eyes open to myself and the world."

Friday, February 11, 2011

Musing Forward

On grasping, I find myself wondering if I'm doing so when I: put on make-up, exercise, read the paper, actively love.... what do YOU think?  I WANT to love, to go out and feel beautiful, to be apart of society... If only I could do so without the worry that I'm going to hit a wall... of "no" from the universe.

Wednesday, February 9, 2011

Grasping

I intend to study my surroundings, family, friends, pets and mostly, myself, to discover what Tibetan Buddhists believe to be grasping. I will follow through... A side note... Tonight I kept pushing through anxiety to find a place of comfort, and I found myself surrounded by dogs, fun clothing, and chores. I love chores because they are an opportunity to get things done. Good night!
Litherome (Living in the Highest of Realms, Open to Mother Earth)  by Cydney Cathalene Chase

Introduction
I write to spread the joy that I have found.  I live in a place where I am limited... My world is very small compared to the world you, my reader, may live in.  Nonetheless, I find light.  I have come to realize that in my darkest moments, remaining calm and believing that my experience will eventually grow into a positive experience supports a healthy mind, body and soul.  
Our perfect life waits ahead.  Our beings are always ready for our highest selves to take control.  Some call on their conscience to lead them.  I believe in my highest self.  Just as some believe in God, and others believe in a higher power... While still others believe in Nature... I have a different name for the conscience.  the highest self rests on the assumption that all humans strive to know ourselves, to better ourselves, and to make love.  
In the event that you, my reader, take on my work as work for yourself, I have added Meditations at the end of each Musing.  Please enjoy responsibly :)

Musing Electric:
If one yearns for time to be peaceful, mindful and connected, one can do a healthy activity, such as yoga, meditation, going to the doctor, eating a salad, standing and focusing on one's feet and balance (test this theory out!)
When one yearns for comfort, ask one's self, "what has brought me to yearn for comfort?". I know I yearn for comfort when I crave  something, whether it be writing, reading or pancakes.  If I ask myself why I am in need, then, I am respecting my body.  Building self-respect is a key to building interpersonal relationships in Dialectical Behavioral Therapy, and it comforts me to be there for myself in unsteady moments.
A way of saying no to temptation... Recognize the temptation (example: eating an extra helping of pancakes...,) take a moment for one's self and mind to adjust to a new outlook, and continue on with the day.  In extreme circumstances, when one feels threatened and scared, doing something that one usually enjoys and also brings health can be necessary.  (example continued:  After three desserts the day before, and a nice big plateful of pancakes, another plate of pancakes wafted into my awareness... I took control of the moment by eating an apple I had already taken from a fruit bowl.  The crunchy sweetness brought me back to my highest self!). Meditation: I take control of my life by choosing to do what I believe is the best action.  I am aware that my best action will bring me joy.  I find joy in all things, even in sadness.  I am a goddess.

Musing Tangible:
Tibetan Buddhism recognizes that "grasping" tempts humans all the time.  I impress my therapist to gain her encouragement so that I might still want to go to therapy.  Realizing that I do Not want to go to therapy allows me to see something in myself... Resistance.  When I continue to please my therapist, I am "grasping" for her support.  It is up to me whether or not I want to continue to see my therapist, just as it is up to all of us whether or not we want to live.  Every moment offers an opportunity to live.  Living as one's highest self, over time, becomes the most tempting way.  Is it the right way?  Living as one's highest self eventually becomes being one's highest self.  Like a goddess that is trapped in a human body, I have the power to know everything, to see everything, to effect everything however I choose... I am at the center of the universe, and I surround myself with people I feel are beautiful, intelligent, brave, supportive, and unusually giving.  Meditation: I find my friends by following my wise mind... How my heart is affected by my mind and gut.  I find my friends by walking... By taking action... By having extreme faith in my own ability to discern .
January 28th, 2011

Musing Tangile:
Notice what circumstances feel comfortable, enjoyable, and even transformative. As my therapist says, when we feel well, then others around us feel well.  Cultivate an awareness to your feelings, your body, and your thoughts.  Give yourself a break when you need it.

What about you? So many people are in my life.  I look around and see thousands of opportunities to spread the light that I have found.  I can only chose one at a time in reality, in surreality, I can chose all.  I have the power to accept my reality while at once knowing that it can and will change if I need it to.  I tell myself that I am safe, and that I know.  I know what?  Meditation: I know that if I am aware, I will find what I'm looking for, which is usually a feeling of elation, gratitude, and Acceptance.

January 29th, 2011


Musing Oh:
When we do for ourselves, we feel well.  When we do for others, we feel well.  When we do for others despite feelings of reservation, we develop resentment.  How can we continue to do for ourselves and for others with love?  Gracefully, carefully, openly.  Meditation: I share myself to give, to receive and to change the universe into a healthier, happier, and more beautiful place to live.

January 31st, 2011


Musing Balance-beam
When our lives become full and busy, we rise to the occasion.  What's not to like in a challenge?
How do we get enough sleep, exercise, food, time with friends, time alone, motivation, and hope?  We look to our highest self for the answer.

February 1st, 2011


Musing Friend
Other people in our lives can be extremely helpful.  Giving and receiving, talking, and laughing nuorish the soul.  Like legs on a table, friends support.  Therapy can be essential to understanding life.  The following is an excerpt from my journal:
My Resident Review:  Wednesday, February 2nd, 2011 (Jill's Birthday)
Side note: today is the first day of the year of the Metal Rabbit!  
Christian said that I'm a very open person... Rebecca said that she thinks it's interesting that I'm so quiet most of the time, and then I get up and sing in front of people... Mary said that she appreciates my work in DBT... Johnnie said that my numbers have improved... Mary Kreider said that she commends me for recognizing that I have a habit of engaging in emotional eating, and that instead I can eat "mindful"-ly... She wants to make sure that Cooper Riis schedules a time for us to meet that is convenient for me.
After the meeting, I called Mom and told her that I read in an article by a Doctor named David who has recovered from Schitzophrenia that when one can become their therapist's therapist, then they are healthy again.  I told Mom that thinking of therapy as a time to give to someone else allows me to relax, open up, let go, enjoy and become my highest self.  I realize that I have turned my mind... From believing that therapy brings me no good to believing that therapy can be full of love, growth, wisdom and change.  I have come to believe in DBT as a life-enforcing teaching that can be enlightening for everyone... I strongly believe that  DBT should be shared.
I will make a website now!

Musing Under and Up

Tonight I realized that there is no right way.  I came to such a shared revelation when I thought of the events that unfolded in my life today.  I will start with Lately.  Lately, a friend of mine, came to me in an awkward state... He was feeling extremely confused... He had decided to go to town on his bicycle to meet his girlfriend when his mother called and ordered him to 
A friend of mine came to me in distress.  A mutual friend of ours had asked him to have sex with her.  Lately, my confiding friend, said that he had felt uncomfortable when Upshot had expressed her desire to be with him.  Why?  For two reasons... One, he had felt a platonic friendliness towards her, and two, she had told him that she was married.

There is no one right way... There is only your way.
Finding your way is your job.  You must take it very seriously.  You must always keep your way in mind... Even when you are with friends and family, and even when you are on vacation.
What do I mean by this?  I mean that choosing what you want is one of the most critical steps towards your highest self.  
When I imagine my highest self, I imagine a woman who can charm the pants off of anyone with her smile, do pretty much anything she sets her mind to, uplift, inspire, create, love and teach on profound levels.  I imagine that I know what I want because what I want has become my job... And by job I mean my habit... I mean something that I do with great agility, grace and wisdom because I have done it so often.  My highest self surrounds myself with colors, sunshine, and adoring friends, and I/she accepts my/herself with faith, gentleness, and determination.
What if I want to sit and smile at my loved one's?  I must do so with 500% of my energy.  What if I want to give my sister a hug? I must do so as if it is the last hug I will ever give.  What if I want to kiss my friend who is married?  I must do so with all the passion I have for her.  Why? Without such passion and will, I will fail.  I will find myself in the darkest place I know... Darker than hell on earth and way too much like purgatory... I will find myself without self-respect, without love, without hope, without knowledge, and without the support of any higher power... Why?  I will find myself lost because I am lost... I have chosen to be lost... I choose to be lost... Why? I choose to be lost because when I am found I feel resonance with the universe, and I want to feel such said resonance and vibration another time.
What I am saying is that even though I give you advice, even though my advice comes from a place of love and support, I know with all my heart that my advice will never fulfill you the way that your own wisdom will.
Meditation: There is only one way, after all... Your way.
I accept myself with all my being.  I look at my highest self and know that I am already the brilliant, daring, humble, charming, glorious person I imagine I can be.
February 5th, 2011

Musing Upright
In nature, that which destroys also creates.  The fire in the forest nuorishes the soil for more new plants to grow.  The shark honors the seal by eating him.  People honor nature by eating what is raw and natural.  The earth provides us with sweet, salty, spicy, tangy, and rich foods.
To eat well, one must realize the power of vegetables.  Beans and brown rice tend to quench my appetite, and salad provides me with the vitamins, antioxidants, and tender bite I crave.  I have olive oil, red wine vinegar, sunflower seeds, avocado, and sometimes either blue cheese or garlic.  
Meditation:  I am one with the earth.  I accept my life as it is because it provides me with... Fill in the blanks (the life I live boasts of structure, friendship, community, purpose, commradery, love, views of sunsets, fresh air, organic farming advice, and healthy food.). I move through my life with grace, courage, propriety, serenity, truth, detachment, humility, equanimity, sobriety, innocence and action.

February 6th, 2011

Musing Preparation

Why does one prepare.  Wouldn't it be Healthy to prepare for success?  We prepare ourselves for the worst... We buy bandaids, we have back-up plans, we we create wills.  Why?  Perhaps it's because we are afraid of losing... Or afraid of dying... Perhaps we are afraid of being forgotten.  If we have back up plans for safety, then we feel more secure.  I will tell my Mom that I'm not feeling well if I don't get enough sleep tonight... Then, she will allow me to sleep when I need to sleep.  If she does not, then I will beg her.  If she still keeps me awake, then I will look at flights to...
As you see, things work out themselves... We become who we are meant to become.  We are whole and perfect as we are...
Musing: I take a bath.  I look at my feet.  I see that I have toes.  I see that my feet move when I want them to.  I am amazed.  I am whole.  I am grateful for my life.  I am now the highest self I can be.

February 9th, 2011

Thursday, February 3, 2011

What is DBT?

Recently I've been introduced to a relatively new therapy technique called Dialectical Behavioral Therapy.  There are four major parts to "DBT," Mindfulness, Interpersonal Effectiveness, Distress Tolerance, and Emotional Regulation.  I believe that everyone should be allowed to know about DBT... here is all I know about it so far...
We all have different ways that we make decisions, and we use our mind for logic, our gut for emotion, and our hearts for the answer.  Checking in with oneself when making any decision is key... I ask myself, "how do I feel about (example) going to the city tonight?"  Perhaps my gut will tell me that I feel a little bit unsure... it may be tense, bloated or numb... and in such a case, I will conclude that my gut tells me that I should not go.  While my gut tells me "no," my mind might give me another answer, like, "if I go to the city, I will be able to see my friends Donna and Al, I may feel a little bit overwhelmed, I may also feel energized."  In such a case, I will believe that my mind has told me that it may be good for me to go.  Lastly, and, for some, most importantly, I will ask my breath to guide me to feeling my heart.  If I feel tense or hollow, I believe that my heart has told me "no."  If I feel happy, warm, comfortable, or passionate, then I will conclude that my heart wants me to go.